An Explanation. Not an Excuse.
- Monday, 02 April 2012
How is everybody? Another warm sunny afternoon here in Hong Kong. Since my video is going to take 3 hours to import into iMovie, I figured I'll do a little diary entry.
Today, I want to talk about my eyes and it's something I've been meaning to talk about for a while. So for quite a few years, there's been a lot of speculations about my eyes. It actually didn't bother me very much but hey, might as well put it out there. In a nutshell, I have never had any type of work done to my eyes (or my face). No nose job or any eyelid surgery ok? The thing is, my aunty tells that people would make the effort to print screen pictures of me of different angles to prove I "have had eyelid surgery". Apparently, the pictures she sees really looks as if I have had something done and that's because I have hooded double lids.
If I look up, my eyelids get tucked underneath the layer of fat (asian people tend to have more fat stored underneath the eyes) and it appears hidden. It's actually very common and you know what? I like my eyes. No actually, I love my eyes. Growing up as a child, I've always been complimented for having big round eyes and despite being a very self conscious teenager with bad skin- my eyes always made me feel better.
Sometimes, my eyelids disappear but it's cool =)
Anyways, why did I talk about my hooded eyes? Sometimes, people on Youtube ask me "Bubz, your makeup is pretty but how come you don't do more techniques like other gurus do? Variety is good!". I can't agree more. Variety is good. You want me to be honest with you? I've tried. The word 'lots' is an understatement. But because my eyelids are so heavily hooded, anything I apply on pretty much disappears when I look up (which pretty much constant for me since I'm short and I look up at everybody to talk to them lol). My crease is very heavy (so it looks monolid at times) but at the same time, I can't fake a crease like some girls can do (it looks like I got 2 eyelids then). My actual lid space (when eyes are open) is probably a millimeter or two tops so I can't do the deep contouring methods like other gurus who can with their deep set eyelids. I would read up on lots of makeup books and attempt these looks. I'll follow the steps but somehow it'll look terrible on me but gorgeous on the model. Some of you probably want to say "But Bubz, have this tried doing this? or this? Or..." I'm going to stop you there, yes! I have tried everything. Then I realised that not all the concepts of makeup can be applied universally.
However, I'm not going to blame my eyes because like I said before, I cherish what I have. Remember? I love my eyes. Even despite reading someone compare my eyelids to foreskin (I get it! Because my eyelids fold over and over but gross!!! >.<), I still love my eyes. I just work with what I got and make the best out of it. Isn't that what makeup is all about? Making the best out of what you have already? Finding out what works well for you and running with it. It doesn't make sense for me to work against my features.
Will I be able to give you dramatic creative looks? I'm going to put it out there and tell you, probably not. I just don't have very much lid space to do looks that actually look different from one another. But I also know there are lots of people out there who share a similar eye-shape as I do. That's why it's so great there are so many gurus on Youtube to cater everybody's preferences and of course, specific features. There's makeup gurus with monolids, hooded lids, deep set lids and etc. There are gurus of many beautiful skin colours. There are gurus of different heights and body shapes. We're all different because we're not meant to look the same.
I hope those out there who misunderstand me can try to see from my point of view. See that I am just working with what I got. I am just an everyday girl who has an interest in Beauty & Makeup. I don't make videos as a professional you know? I am just sharing my interests through the camera and sharing on the web. I never thought I would gain this amount of subscribers and it certainly never occurred to me that as the subscribers would increase, so will the demand. I appreciate constructive criticism but some things are just out of my control and if not, I can only reach to a certain extent. From return, I just want some of you to try and understand I can only make the best of what I got.
Even in makeup school, you're only taught certain techniques and tricks too. There are only a certain number of rules that can be applied to makeup. Don't tell me it's endless because it's not. Every look you see in magazines, runway or TV has most likely been repeated over and over. How many ways really is there to apply foundation? How many ways really is there to apply eyeliner or eyeshadow?
I've looked in the mirror before and wished I had deeper sockets or more lid space. Then I decided to be greedy and then wished for more defined cheekbones and a smaller nose. I tried out at at least 15 different types of eyelid tape brands to solve the hooded eyes problem. I would see asian youtube gurus with deep set sockets and I'll be like "They're so lucky!!!!". Then I started to feel frustrated with my "foreskin eyes". I actually wondered if something really IS wrong with my eyes. Should I do something about it? Luckily I snapped out of it. Frankly, I was being foolish because what was I thinking? Why was I ashamed of my eyes? My momma gave me my eyes! I should cherish every single bit of myself because it's me.
There are only certain makeup methods I can do but luckily, I got endless colours and textures to play with and that is totally fine. I'm not making excuses. I'm not trying to blame on anything or anybody. I'm just making a point because I know a lot of you out there understand what I'm talking about. I can understand your frustration. Some of you have bigger eyelids than I do, some of you may have smaller eyelids than I do. We're all different but equally beautiful. Don't be ashamed or blinded by foolishness. I know we always say nobody is perfect but I know we are all perfect the way we are. I love my foreskin eyes dammit lol.
Anyway, moving on to a happier note. Thank you so much for alerting me that we're close to 1 million subscribers. Couldn't have done this without you all. I just want to thank you all for supporting me these years. It's been an amazing journey and I know it's weird but you guys are like friends that I don't know in real life.
I still remember when I just graduated from University and having to return back to Northern Ireland. I only really had my family because my friends were on a different island. I couldn't find a job so I had to help out at my parent's work most days of the week. I didn't really have a social life and I was having a hard time adapting to a long distance relationship with Tim. I still remember the nights of how I would cry myself to bed. I just missed Tim so much and I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. But then one day, I started to make videos as a hobby. I wasn't expecting much but what I got in return was more than I could ever imagine. Coming home from a long meaningless day at work and reading your comments and messages put a spark back into my life. As sad as it sounds, I leaned on you guys more than you can ever imagine. I really felt a close bond talking to you guys and listening to your stories. I miss the old days where I used to be able to read and reply all comments. When I think back, I still feel so emotional and teary because you guys made that year so much easier for me. I didn't feel lonely at all. Everyday was so exciting for me and most of all, I was learning every single day. You guys helped me to ease up in front of the camera and gave me confidence to do and say whatever I want without fear of being judged. I am nothing without you guys and I want to thank you all for keeping me humble and grounded, inspiring me and supporting me. Thank you so much for seeing my heart.
If life is all about looks, wealth, fame and status- you are settling so much less than what God meant for you. Don't settle for any less.
Ps. I still love my eyes lol.
Your friend, Bubz xx